quite contrary
So of course our toilet had to back up on a weekend, when the maintenance people aren’t in. (Hint: twarn’t my doing, either. Ahem). This was a few weeks ago now, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying at the time. (If that sentence made any sort of sense to you, welcome to my world.)
Oh sorry…a thousand pardons…greetings gentle readers!
Now despite being a paragon of tolerance on many levels, I have a very low threshold for blatant stupidity. So when my partner in crime calls the office to announce our predicament, and is told by “The New Guy” that there are no maintenance folks on hand on a Sunday, and is further suggested to “try not to flush it” for the time being, and they will get to it first thing Monday morning, well, I was not amused.
Colorful language ensued, gentle readers, and I’d be lying if I said it was suitable for my tiny daughter’s ears. I pointed out that we had but one bathroom. I pointed out that it just wasn’t possible to leave us stranded in this way. I demanded that he call back and tell The New Guy (hint: I didn’t call him The New Guy) that he page whomever was on call. He came back with “He said we can use the bathroom in the common room for the time being, (across the complex) and that he could page James but that he didn’t think he was on call tonight.”
Um.
Before my head exploded, I took a deep breath and counted to ten.
Then my head exploded.
To make a long story short (I know, when do I ever? But in this case I’m trying to preclude the psychic accident that will ensue if I dwell on this, even in retrospect, for too long)….numerous storebought remedies were tried throughout the day to no avail. All the plunging in the universe didn’t work. After holding out as long as possible, I had to make the trek to the common room in the freezing cold drizzle, for seven miles, with no shoes, and then the rain turned into snow and pretty soon I couldn’t see through the blizzard.
Okay, so it wasn’t *that* bad, but it WAS cold and a pain in the ass. And completely unnecessary but for the DITO (Douchebag In The Office). It was also creepy, since I had to walk through the darkened and deserted gym. I’m surprised I made it, frankly. But made it I did, and as I trudged the miserable seven miles back sans shoes or dignity, I resolved to end this matter once and for all. The 24-hour maintenance line was called. The person who actually *was* on call was paged. He showed up within the hour with a big metal pole that had sex with our toilet and all was well. (I love that said pole is also called a ‘snake’. Hi, I’m 12).
He also gave me big fat vindication, informing me that no, they would never expect us to be without our one toilet. He told me that we should have insisted that DITO page him right away. He told me to make sure the apartment manager was informed of this incident. “Oh don’t worry” I replied.
My point? Stupid people suck. (especially stupid people who look like mutton dressed as lamb and have that completely fake fake FAKE polite attitude and overuse words like ‘ma’am’ and you just KNOW, without a doubt, that they hate having to try to act respectable just to earn a buck and skate through their days with thinly-disguised hostility. MAN I hate that.)
Also, in walking through that dark and creepy gym, I realized a quirky thing about myself. Excuse me…..I realized yet one MORE quirky thing about myself. This naturally sparked a mental list of many quirky things about myself, and I went to sleep that night thinking what a unique freak I truly am.
What follows is that list. Prepare to be amazed! Or, ya know, scared.
1) That gym area has one wall that is all mirrored…presumably so that you can watch yourself sweat, but more likely so you can surreptitiously check out fellow worker-outers, and see if they are also making constipated elephant faces, or if they look cool and a little saucy. (this may just be my imagination in overdrive….much the way it is when I imagine working out. I still end up tired.) The thing that I realized that night, is that for whatever reason, when the lights are out or very dim, I avoid looking in the mirror. I never knew this about myself. I thought about it further….I frequently get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I don’t often turn on the light. I go by the ambient nightlight or whatever. And while washing my hands, I avoid looking in the mirror.
What the hell is *that* about? Am I afraid I’ll see a monster? Have I seen too many horror flicks? Will I see red, glowing eyes hovering just over my shoulder? This cracks me up to no end. I’m a freak!
2) I have a preference for even, rather than odd, numbers. I have no idea what this is about.
3) I don’t care for avocados, but I love guacamole. I’m not a fan of sauerkraut or Thousand Island dressing, or Swiss cheese come to think of it, but I love Reuben sandwiches.
4) Perhaps it’s the budding author in me, but I can’t *not* finish a book. I have read some pretty awful, I-demand-these-hours-of-my-life-back ones, too. I just can’t do it. It’s like I know that however bad it is, someone put time and effort into it, and I have to give them every chance to dazzle me. Or something. It’s the literary equivalent of being on hold, yet I can’t seem to stop.
5) Ever since childhood, I’ve been extremely claustrophobic about elevators. I avoid them whenever possible and when it’s not, my heart will pound no matter how casual I may appear. And for some unfathomable reason, I’m worse off when the elevator door is one that closes all the way across, like it’s sealing me in, rather than one that opens in the middle. I have no idea why this is, either. I have yet to star in any film featuring Keanu Reeves, nor have I had the need to pry the doors open myself. (Here’s hoping I never do. Gulp. And I love how I try to fake it now so my daughter doesn’t inherit my insane fear. Oh wow an ELEVATOR! How PULSE-POUNDINGLY FUN can you get!?)
6) I love amusement parks. I love roller coasters. I love almost all the rides. But my mother told me that despite her former love of amusement rides, she once puked on the octopus ride. To this day I have never even tried to ride it. Let me repeat that. I have never ridden a ride I may very well enjoy….because it made my mom barf once in high school.
Wow. Am I really admitting this to you all, gentle readers? I must really like you!
and finally, since I have nothing to lose at this point, I may as well share with you my really big quirk…..
7) When I’m writing, I almost always listen to one song on repeat. Yeah, that’s right. I think it’s like meditation or something for me….helps me organize my (let’s face it, rather chaotic-at-best) mind…or something. So when you see my ‘currently listening to’ stuff on my blogs, chances are it’s just one song off of whatever it is.
And before you ask…..”Set Adrift on Memory Bliss” by PM Dawn. Awwww yeah, baby.
I like it like that.
Boo-yah.
Thanks for reading, gentle readers. I hope we can still be friends.
And of course, feel free to add your own oddities if you’d like to join me on the Scaffolding of Shame.