Ok. I will come right out and type it: I love Twitter. I balked and hemmed and hawed and refused and dug my heels in as long as I possibly could, and then I finally caved.

“Wait..what is it again?”

“It’s called Twitter. It’s microblogging.” (<–bad thing to say to someone who is already weary of all the better/faster/smaller/iPod-you-will-drop-and-never-find-again- because-it’s-smaller-than-an-elf-condom ‘trends’ of late)

“Um. Great. Put the word ‘micro’ in front of anything and suddenly it’s cool. Sold!”

“No I really think you’d like it, though. It’s like Facebook status updates…but that’s it.”

“Sounds fascinating. I’ll pass, thanks.”

“A lot of celebrities are on there.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.”

“It would be good for your writing…get you to be more creative since you only have 140 characters.”

“I have enough characters. Whole house full ’em. I’m good, thanks.”

And on and on it went. Finally I caved when another friend said I could just “follow people and not have to tweet anything.” I do believe my very first tweet had to do with bleating like the sheep that I was for joining Twitter.

And now….well, I LOVE Twitter. It’s my playground. Not only am I meeting fellow playmates from all across the globe, it’s darn near ideal for a busy mommy like me who gets to keep in touch in 5-minute intervals. I get to ‘leech the dork’ daily in a public forum AND get reinforced for doing so! What could be better?

Apart from the fact that I’ve had to eat so much crow that PETA started harassing me. It’s a metaphor, people! Lighten the tweet UP!

And yes, Twitter can be very cool for other reasons, too…fundraising and humanitarian efforts that can now ‘move at the speed of Twitter’…not to mention instant fame for people like @shitmydadsays and @ivybean104 (oldest known Twitterererer).

But if you’ve been on Twitter for any length of time…one thing becomes incredibly apparent: Twitter is….well…high school. Not convinced? Let me break it down for you:

*Aston and Demi are the prom king and queen. Not sure how this happened, but we’re not to question it. They just are.

*There are all sorts of gangs and clubs and cliques and popularity contests every second of every minute of every day.

*You can go from a virtual nobody to somebody in a nanosecond, because a popular kid (celebrity) gave you the time of day in the hallway (@replied you)

*You can go from a somebody to a nobody in a nanosecond, because a popular kid (celebrity) no longer likes you for whatever reason, and sends out a mass alert that you are to be shunned (unfollowed)

*If you’re not dead, and your name is on the board (trending topic list), chances are you’re in deep doo-doo (getting sent to the principal’s office) and everyone is talking about you behind your back (tweeting about you nonstop)

*You can be shunned for associating with (following) people who have fallen out of favor

*Drama? Oh, you betcha. People like myself may like to *think* we’re above the fray, so to speak…laying low and not getting involved in what the popular kids (pretty people) are feuding about, but sooner or later something will hit a leeeetle too close to the belt and you may find yourself yelling (tweeting) something like : “Hi, Smokescreen? It’s me..Not The Real Issue, and myself and my buddy Besides the Point will be your scapegoats for the day!” Grrrr.

*You will be baffled and amazed at the popularity of certain people, who not only seem to offer nothing valid to the table, (like, totally, dude! kegger Friday at Scooter’s!) but seem to be endorsed by thousands of others, most likely due to perceived association with the pretty people (celebrities)

*If you’re female, and you have ever once even remotely alluded to performing a certain favor, you will have 17 kajillion male ‘friends’ (followers) and be skyrocketed to instant popularity (no pun) (and also, pun)

*You will invite (follow) a lot of people to your party out of guilt because they invited you to theirs (follow you)

*You will feel like a complete jackass if you do NOT invite (follow) certain people, even though they aren’t in any of your classes (are complete strangers you will never meet, ever)

*You will feel like a complete jackass if you stop associating with (unfollow) certain people because frankly, they never have anything interesting to say (tweet)

*You will be expected to keep up with certain social norms (RTs), and may be shunned (unfollowed) if you don’t hop on all the bandwagons (trending topics/outrages at so-and-so’s comments about the soapbox-du-jour) Moooooooo.

*You will hate your yearbook photo (profile pic) and want to change it but the only other decent one you have makes your nose look, like, GIGANTIC for some reason in thumbnail-size. Really. It’s, like, all you can see. Ugh. Just forget it, okay?

*You will feel ridiculously happy if a cute boy/girl replies to you in any form. Especially if it’s one of the ultra-popular kids (celebrities)

*If someone you know fairly well stops talking to you (unfollows), it will feel like a slap in the face. You may even shun him right back (unfollow HIS sorry ass…HA!) but most likely he won’t even notice, and it will lack the sting you were going for.

*You will have to work hard to resist peer pressure (pressure to follow certain people, usually accompanied by the words ‘Oh you HAVE to! He/she is soooo funny/crazy/silly/hot’) Moooooo.

*and finally, it’s never a good idea to show up to school (Twitter) when you’ve knocked back a few. It’s always immediately apparent and it never ends well.

So that’s it. My take on Twitter…aka High School Moosical. Although I gotta say, I’m enjoying high school far more this time around. 😉

Anything I missed?

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