Dia-permutation
Greetings gentle readers!
I know my life has entered a new chapter when I hop on here in fits and starts, and need to choose between catching up on blogs or posting ’em.
It has to be said, though, that mommydom is suiting me right down to the ground. (Which is sometimes looking inviting for quick naps, as it were).
I should mention that this blog will most likely be all over the map. Sleep deprivation on this scale is not to be underestimated, gentle readers. Several of you have mentioned that some tortured geniuses have opted to sleep in few-hour increments several times a day. I’m here to tell you, those people were clinically insane. There is just no way to feel like a fully functioning human being on this sleep cycle. (Then again, perhaps that was the point. Boo-yah!)
I have to wonder what kink in the evolutionary chain made it a good idea to have people taking on their most crucial responsibilities ever on less-than-half power. Luckily, the worst thing I’ve been guilty of so far is nearly re-bundling my precious charge without a fresh diaper. Dirty one came off….cleaned her up…and started to snap up her sleeper again when I noticed something…..missing. And last night I was telling someone about how we were going to try to pile into the car and go for a big night out at the Drive-Thru. (I meant the Drive-In). And no, we didn’t make it. We were both going on even less sleep than normal and he had just finished explaining to me that it wasn’t until the elevator he was on at work stopped and didn’t go anywhere that he realized that not only had he forgotten to get off on his floor, he didn’t even know it right away. He was four floors back down and suspended at a standstill when it hit him.
At that point we decided operating a motor vehicle may not be the best choice….Drive-Thru or no Drive-Thru.
I should also mention that my last blog? Must have been written by a ghost-writer or something. You see, like *they* always say, I forgot all about the pain. Pain? What pain? *insert sarcasm emoticon. I know! We need one!*
Ok. I’m here to tell you that I KNEW that was a big ol’ load of horse puckey waaaaaay before I had my own Labor Day. How did I know? Because every SINGLE mother I’ve ever talked to, no matter how many years ago it was, remembers every labor twinge down to the smallest detail, to regale one and all with later. There are no exceptions to this. Ask anyone.
HOWEVER…..what they *don’t* tell you, is this:
You don’t forget the pain.
It simply becomes…..besides the point.
When you look down at that completely brand-new face….when it suddenly hits you that you are now and forever part of something way bigger than you…..all that pain truly becomes irrelevant.
Translation?
I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Even with all the extra drama. The outcome is just way too amazing and beautiful to miss.
Besides, if it was all *that* bad, none of us would have any siblings.
And yes, I get on here and I gush and I talk about all the wonderful aspects of motherhood and how I wouldn’t trade it. But please don’t think for one second that I am anything close to superhuman. I have my moments. I’ve had tears for no reason and feelings of being overwhelmed and hormonal tidal waves full of sniveling and “I’m a bad Mom”-ing and even a few self-indulgent pity parties when I feel all sore and tired and all my friends are back in Cali and so is my only Bro and sis-in-law and nephie and wondering if I will ever feel sexy again and wondering if I will ever have sex again (the only thing worse than not having sex is a failed attempt due to continued ouchieness, in my humble opinion)…..and wondering if my boobs will ever stop hurting or if I’ll ever have normal energy levels again.
But again…..every time I wake up and see that little shining face looking up at me….(she gets cuter every day, I’m totally serious)….every time I feed her and she makes her little ‘yummy’ noises….every time I hold her up to my shoulder and she curls her tiny head into me and nestles in……every time she coos or smiles….. even when she cries or fusses or refuses to sleep (which is something she has in common with both Mommy AND Daddy so we’re in trouble there…..) none of that other stuff matters.
Puddin Face.
Light of my life.
She’s gorgeous.
She’s perfect.
It’s still impossible to me that I had anything to do with this amazing person. How did a supreme dork like me ever get so lucky?
I have never felt love on a level even close to this.
If you could take the feeling I get when I look at her and bottle it up….I swear there would be no more war.
I have never felt anything like the perfect trust when this tiny person falls asleep on you.
This is heady stuff, indeed.
I had to take her to the docs for a checkup yesterday.
Best thing I heard?
“She’s extremely healthy and strong. You’re doing a great job!”
She weighs 9 lbs 4 oz. Doc also commented yet again ‘She’s so alert!’ We’re so proud.
And I had another Mommy moment. Em had to get a shot and she was very much not happy about it…..I was thinking she would bring down the house with her protests….and yet, amazingly, as soon as I picked her up…..her screaming stopped and she curled her tiny head in to face mine.
Me being me, I got all choked up.
“It’s ok, sweetheart”, I said. “Mommy’s here.”