Wait, did that come off sarcastic?

It’s not that I’m not a *positive* person. Far from it. Quite the opposite, actually. The thing I hear the most is “you’re too nice.” Whatever. I’m an unapologetic puppy and if that’s too high-energy for ya, then I’ll chew on someone else’s slipper and then…THEN who’ll be sorry? Thought so.

I’m a big believer in paying it forward…the definition of “it” just tends to veer one way or another depending on, oh, certain random factors *cough*hormones*cough.*

(Not to say that, like, certain days you should just RUN or anything, simply that the platform of ‘things people do that piss me off instantly’ can get weighty mighty quickly. Only sometimes. Drop in the bucket, in the ol’ grand scheme of things. Why are you looking at me like that?)

Ah, well…it all evens out. Men have their advantages. I still prefer being a woman, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that just once, it would be nice to have someone cut me off in traffic and then get a little bit worried I may pummel them at the stoplight. Ya know, have them peek in the ol’ rearview and be all, like, “Oh, oops….messed with the wrong car…crap, is that a BEAR?”

Now where was I?

Oh, yes…cheerful sort, happy dappy, Up With People, yadda yadda.

Alright, I strive to be. Doesn’t always work, but I do try. I’m the one who will actually come out and say “I really like that shirt…it’s a great color on you!” to a random stranger, rather than sneak furtive glances and make the person paranoid when I’m busted more than once gawping. And you know what? I big fat don’t care that many people nearby may be wondering “Whoa…what’s wrong with her?” or otherwise taken aback. My target usually hits home, and I like nothing more than that moment when a person’s expression changes…you know the one I’m talking about …”Really?” and they sort of puff up a little bit for that one brief, shining moment before getting all self-conscious again when reality crashes back in. Try it sometime. You may make someone’s day.

It occurred to me lately, however, that despite this new “spiritual awakening” movement that’s been going on in recent years, which I think is great in lots of ways, that there is still far, far too much negativity around us.

And now it’s not even just from Mr. Carbon Bigfootprint, or Mrs. Areyoufreakingkiddingme and her band of disrespectful children-who-break-things-and-walk-away. It’s all around us. Disapproval abounds.

Remember my supersonic toothbrush from the last blog? What, do you suppose, is in parentheses there, if not (You can’t be trusted to brush your own teeth anymore?)

And don’t even get me started (I’ll start myself) on all the ever-loving ERROR MESSAGES I get all the livelong day:

*file not found

*page load error

*page no longer available

*image has been removed

*content has been deleted

*you broke the internet <–this may be just me

oh and my personal favorite:

*document contains no data <—Excuse me, isn’t that for me to decide?

Then there’s the subtly passive-aggressive messages:

*that is NOT a valid entry

*send email without subject? (the HORROR! Must. Label. Everything!)

*trouble retrieving data (Super. I would be more than happy to help you retrieve said data. Just need to know how. Help ME help YOU!)

PLEASE NOTE: just this VERY FREAKIN MOMENT, I *somehow* (with a single keystroke I might add, and no text highlighted) deleted an entire paragraph. POOF! I’m adding this here so you can laugh, but my face is actually kinda hot right now. Grrrrrr. I don’t even know what I did!

Anyway, what I ALREADY TYPED OUT ONCE, is that it seems to me that we’re surrounded, daily, by messages both large and small, telling us “you’re doing it wrong,” and we wonder why people aren’t more POSITIVE. We wake with an ALARM and things pretty much deteriorate from there (though ‘alarms’ come in many forms, including tiny comedians yelling ‘MommyMommyMommyMommycanweplaywithPlay-dohnow?’ and/or even tinier sharks who are crabby when an entire row of teeth comes in at once.)

We get jarred awake by our electric toothbrushes…because we don’t brush right.

We drink coffee or Red Bull (which Puddin Face calls ‘Mommy’s juice’…is that wrong?) because we don’t sleep right.

We scarf a breakfast bar because we don’t eat right.

We road rage because we don’t budget our time right. (thankfully gave up on this since becoming a Mommy. Expectations get lowered. Yay!)

We have the worst internet connection speeds & service ever, because we don’t choose our IP right.

We have hiccups because we don’t swallow right. (<–may be just me)

We have headaches because we don’t see right (what else is eye strain if not looking incorrectly?)

And if all that fails to convince you, we’re completely bombarded by advertisements in all forms telling us we’re just…not….right…as….is. Color your hair. Walk in shoes that wreck your feet and back because they *look* cool. Fake tan. Whiten your teeth.

And the plastic surgery industry? Good grief. Get enhanced so you can feel GOOD about yourself! Newsflash: you know what would TRULY make people feel GOOD about themselves? BEING OKAY EXACTLY THE WAY THE FACTORY MADE THEM. Sorry nippers and tuckers. You suck(ers).

Probably my favorite example of IS IT JUST ME??? HOLY CRAP!-ism is for a certain product that has a tagline like “Brush your flaws away and let the real you shine through!”

GAH! Anyone else? Really? REALLY? And not only that…a TEAM OF PEOPLE had lots and lots of MEETINGS and someone decided that YES! this was the motto we wanted to go with!

Give. Me. Strength.

Do me a favor, gentle readers. Have a bad hair day. Go out without makeup, once, ladies…(I mean without fear.) Wear freakin tennis shoes because they’re COMFORTABLE. Wear that shirt you love even though it is sooooo 3 (or 10) years ago. Tell someone you don’t know you like their shirt. Or earrings. Or way of ordering a sandwich. Find something nice to say. Then, ya know, say it. The saying it part is really the key. 😉

We have enough negativity. Enough ‘whoop defreakin doo.’ (Was saddened, rather than amused, when I heard this very phrase from a child no more than 5. It all starts somewhere.)

And sometimes it really is the little things that can turn things back around.

P.S. You all look pretty today 😀

Edit: This blog continues to write itself! Trying to post this on Twitter and got a whole new error message:

“HTTP Server Error 503

No available server to handle this request”

THIS request? This PARTICULAR request? As in, ‘Everyone else’s requests are fine, but YOUR request is one too many?’ NOW….it’s personal. Whee 😛

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